The sun has risen on my fair city…fair….it’s not fair. Nothing’s fair. It’s not fair that a beautiful voice has been silenced forever. It’s not fair that a place of comfort and warmth is now the scene of compete terror. It’s not fair that there was absolutely no reason why this man walked into one of my favorite cafes and took the lives of people who I adore and admire. They aren’t fully releasing names yet, but everyone knows. I knew it when I heard the news. I knew the people who sit at Cafe Racer on a Wednesday morning, drinking lattes or Rainier tall boys. They are my people, my neighbors, my friends. They are me.

When I first started dating my husband he took me to a show put on by Circus Contraption in Fremont. I had no idea what I was in for, but I did know that it was the first time my now husband pulled me toward him to sit with my hand in his. I felt so loved, so happy, so perfect, and so ready to be exposed to a world that I actually had no idea existed. Over the years I’ve come to meet an alternative world of performers here in Seattle but I’ve kept my distance, just watching and supporting, because I never felt like I belonged. Such a funny thing to think that they wouldn’t accept me…they accept everyone, which is why this happened. It’s been mentioned that Drew, the kind man that he was, asked his killer over to his home just a few days before what happened yesterday morning. His killer was very troubled but Drew wanted to help…of course he did. That’s the kind of man he was.

I can’t even write about this, what happened. I don’t feel it’s my place. There will be many news stories rehashing every last detail but for now I just want to pay tribute to a man who made me smile, who freaked me out, who I could pick out of a crowd of thousands, who could swallow swords and then 2 minutes later sing you the most beautiful love song. To me he will always be Shmootzi the Clod.

Rest in peace you amazing clown.